The Hardest Decision of My Life: Sobriety?
Sober Curious: Coined by Ruby Washington in her 2018 book, “Sober Curious” is a term to describe an individual who has thoughts about a life that involves no drugs and no alcohol, specifically for personal reasons, and what your life would be like without alcohol on autopilot.
Me
I’m not an alcoholic. I’m not a drug addict. I am a 25-year-old man looking for new pathways to become a better version of myself. Cliche, but true. This version of myself I know exists on the other side of alcohol. The pathways to getting there I see clearly. I drink mostly on the weekends. Have been doing so on and off for the past 8 years of my life. Most individuals my age would fall into the same category of drinker — afraid to admit they binge drink too much on the weekends and mix in casual buzzes during the week. It’s your stereotypical “social drinker”. Has it led to mistakes? Of course. Led to lost items of importance? Of course. But mistakes and lost valuables aren’t the driving forces behind a potential lifestyle change. It’s deeper than that.
Why now?
It’s the hangxiety
The dreaded internal shakes that I feel when hungover no matter the amount of water I drink before laying down for bed. It’s the lack of food intake the next day stemming from choking sensations. Sensations that all stem from anxiety. Anxiety stems from alcohol. However, it feels like the physical and mental effects sometimes last longer than one day. A potential flywheel that I can stop at any time. Why not now?
It’s the wasted money
The bar tabs at places I wake up regretting walking into. Scenes of similar-aged adults drinking and taking shots while listening to early-to-late 2000’s music like they haven’t done this a thousand times already. Expensive dinners with large groups that I won’t remember. Names that I’ll forget by dessert. The sweet, sweet sound of, “auto gratuity is added to a party of 6 or more”. Why not now?
It’s the false friendships
Social friends — friends with whom I associate only while drinking. They often bring no food to the table. Only a chair and utensils. This was the basis behind my previous article, The Evolution of Friend Groups. Consistently evaluate your peers. It’s a necessity.
I want a small circle. Cut the social drinking and instantly that happens. You will find out who are your true friends. I firmly believe in this phenomenon. I am excited to see it play out. Why not now?
Most importantly, it’s the comfort
It’s those valuable weekends lost because of Saturday football “must-see” games at the bars. It’s the “I’m too tired” Sundays because of the former. It’s the comfort in repeating weekends that bring me no challenges. No speedbumps. No opportunities to prove to myself my methods of handling uncomfortable situations are working. No way of knowing my critical thinking process is evolving. The only free time… me time, I have during my young professional career is spent drinking on the weekends or recovering from it. Is that supposed to be fun? Where is the value in all of this?
It boils down to our priorities. Mine are changing… quickly. Growth is most important to me at this time in my life. Measurable in many different ways, it could be the first-time yoga session. Or the new club joined. How about that volunteer program you’ve wanted to participate in. What about reading that towering backlog of books in the corner of your apartment. What about writing more. Jumping outside the comfort zone of drinking on the weekends will allow me to test new waters, eventually meeting new friends. Those who will help me along this journey of self-growth whether they know it or not. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. You grow as you change. Why not now?
Where to start?
I am writing this while “participating” in Dry January. I gave myself one weekend during the month to drink — the wedding weekend of a great friend of which I accompanied as a groomsman. There was no way around this one. I don’t care if you’re Super Man, it’s not happening. At least it wasn’t for me, I was drinking.
But for the remainder of January, no drinks.
I’m still deciding where to go from there. It may be a “Rule of Three” type lifestyle where I enjoy only three drinks per week. Or maybe start it at five drinks per week. Heck, it may be no more drinks at all (my love for Wine is currently roadblocking this). Although it may seem contradictory to this piece, I’m curious about both sobriety and controlled drinking if the “right” situation arises. However, more often my thoughts walk the road of the former and not the latter — it seems like an all-in type of poker hand, but no bluffing is allowed.
Sober peers
I have been fortunate to meet a few modern friends via Twitter who have unselfishly shared their stories of sobriety. I encourage anyone in their mid-20s having thoughts of sobriety or controlled drinking to read both Brooke and Sarah’s articles. I want to share a few words from each that I related to deeply:
“the decision that changed my life; becoming sober” — Brooke LeBlanc
“I had become so distant to my old explorative, creative version of myself.”
“Day by day, I started to substitute my time and energy with things that actually served me.”
I’m Tired of Explaining Why I Don’t Drink — Sarah Wood
“When I talk about my life without alcohol, I talk about clarity, growth, and freedom.”
“My life did not end when I stopped drinking. In many ways, it started.”
In many ways, I cannot describe what I believe alcohol is blocking me from accomplishing. It’s so hard to put on paper. It’s an indescribable internal feeling. Thank god both Brooke and Sarah can articulate that feeling for all of us going through this situation.
By the numbers: a caveat
There is a cognitive bias known as the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon or frequency bias. Simply put, when you notice something new to you it tends to appear all over. There may be no increase in actual occurrence, only you started to notice it more.
As of late, I have been experiencing frequency bias. When I started to explore my curiosity of sobriety I noticed people everywhere talking about their adverse feelings towards drinking. Mostly on Twitter, but also on the streets, on YouTube, etc. Combine the frequency bias with big tech algorithms and just about anything is possible or true.
In all seriousness, Google searches for “Non-alcoholic drinks” have steadily climbed over the past 5 years:
To me, it seems like alcohol is a drug of the past. No benefits mentally. No benefits physically. It is simply a vehicle that allows people to gather and let loose.
Interestingly, there is a widening gap in alcohol purchases between Millenials and Gen Z. According to numerator.com, “only 84% of Gen Z shoppers are buying alcohol compared to 90% of Millennials, a significant 6-point differential”.
Context is key. The 6 point differential can be attributable to many things, but it is evident spending habits are changing.
Also worth noting, interest in newer, more mental-health-focused drugs have increased over the past 5 years. Google searches for psilocybin, the key ingredient in magic mushrooms, has also steadily increased over time.
As someone who has an interest in finance, research, and believes in the study of science, I tend to side with the numbers. Trends show alcohol is becoming less popular among young adults reaching the drinking age of 21. Drugs like psilocybin, which are used for therapeutic purposes, have been gaining traction legislatively and attracting new interest throughout the country. In my opinion, there is no stopping these trends.
Ultimately…
I feel there has been a change knocking at my door. I am closer than I ever have been to shouting, “come in”. In a society where alcohol fits into everyone’s daily lives, sobriety is a touchy subject. It’s not an easy road. It’s talked more about what it can cure, rather than what it can provide. I know that the other side presents an opportunity I have been waiting for… pure self-growth and development. The hard part is knowingly walking a path that isn't freshly paved. It will be filled with potholes and cracks just like Post Road (Shout out all my Rhode Island homies).
Salut,
Cam